god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
