a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Randomize
