when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
