Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
