i wish there were pregnant emoticons
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
