I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
