Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
