God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
