We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
