We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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