you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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