Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
My dick has a subreddit
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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