I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
