I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Houston, we have a blender
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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