Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
