You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
