I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
