he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
