The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
