Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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