A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
