I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
