Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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