he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
