Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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