i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
