Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize