I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
