I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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