What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
