my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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