we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
