Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Randomize
