i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize