I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
