you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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