I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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