Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
