So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
