I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
