dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
