Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Can Purell be used as lube?
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
