So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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