I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she peed on how many people?
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
