so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
