why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
