I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
This house was built for laser tag.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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