help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
