I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
