I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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