An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
