Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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