I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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