The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
