my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
