Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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