I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
