you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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