sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
