you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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