I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
