what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
