I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
