I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
