Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize