Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
