Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
