I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
