My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
