Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
