do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
