Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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