Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
