I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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